


Brian Diaries: Boston 2016

by DreamingOf4A



Series: Brian diaries [4]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Conflicting Feelings, Disappointment, Gen, Guilt, M/M, More angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 10:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11666895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingOf4A/pseuds/DreamingOf4A
Summary: Brian in the aftermath of the World Championships in Boston.





	Brian Diaries: Boston 2016

**Author's Note:**

> Still serious and lots of angst and guilt. Obvious mentions of Yuzu's FP in Boston and Yuzu vs. Javi. Enjoy ^_^;

_Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not in any way reflect on the real life people that share their names with these characters. It is also not intended to offend or disrespect and it exists simply because I find it really interesting to imagine how other people - potentially - live their lives._

“Congratulations!”

The first thing Rajesh heard over the phone was a deep sigh.

“Thank you.”

“You sound positively thrilled…” Rajesh said, his sarcasm obvious.

Brian chuckled tiredly.

“I am happy for Javi. He had a nightmare of a weekend and to end it like this… Raj, I have no words for how proud I am of him!”

Raj hummed in understanding.

“But?”

“But… Yuzu lost.”

“But Javi won.”

“But Yuzu lost.”

Rajesh chuckled softly. “That bad?”

“He’s a black hole of depression. You can see the dark tendrils of depression oozing from his hotel room. It’s borderline creepy.”

“... I’m starting to fear for your sanity. Did you sleep at all last night?”

“I did and I was speaking metaphorically.”

“Five hours or less?”

“... Three and a half. But they were great!”

“Brian…”

“Never mind that. I have no idea what to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel I should be there for Yuzu. He needs me more than Javi does and Javi would understand…”

“But…?”

“I have no idea what to say to him. I honestly believe Javi deserved it more this time and I have absolutely no idea what happened to Yuzu. What triggered him to fall apart like that. I don’t know how to encourage him.”

“Just go see him. Be honest and be there for him, like you always are. You’re falling for the same delusion people from the outside have. That you have to pick between the two of them. You don’t. Humans are complex beings. You can be happy for Javi and sad for Yuzu. You did it last year, too.”

“Well, this time is different…”

“How is it?”

“It’s the second time. Yuzu took it badly last year. But he knew he came after a hell of a year, so… he could forgive himself, eventually. Now… it’s worse.”

“I thought you said he has problems with his foot?”

“He does, but…”

“But?”

“I have no idea how bad they are. He says it’s fine, but then falls all over the place and clutches his foot looking like he wants to scream. And that’s the guy who jumped quads with a sprained ankle, not just once.”

“Ouch…”

“Yeah… and on top of this all…”

“What?”

“He shut me out. Tracy as well. He says he’s fine. No matter what we ask, he’s fine. And yet he’s locked himself in his room and won’t talk to anyone.”

“Ah…”

“I feel I failed him this time. Big time.”

“You’re human, Brian. And you can only help him as much as he’s willing to let himself be helped.”

“I know. I know that, but… I feel I should have tried harder. I got so caught up in Javi’s problem… I knew Yuzu was having issues, but I thought Javi needed me more… I tried to reassure Yuzu, but it was half-assed and… And from my two skaters, the one I helped won and the one I ignored lost and I feel like an ass.”

“You did not ignore him. And, sure, maybe things could have been handled better. Maybe you should take another coach along when both are in the same event, so you can split if necessary. It’s a lesson to learn.”

“What if Yuzu has lost his trust in me?”

“Brian, you know him better than that. You could have told him to fuck off when he sought you out and he still wouldn’t blame anyone but himself for what happened on the rink. You know him. You know he takes full responsibility for the mistakes on the ice. He’d probably be even more miserable if he knew what you’re thinking.”

Brian sighed.

“I feel so tired…”

“That’s only natural. You should rest. Let Yuzu sleep it off, too. And then don’t think too much. Just be there for him.”

“I should try to reach him again…”

“Brian…”

“... but I feel too tired. Yuzu… has such a hugely complicated knot of feelings on a regular basis… it’s exhausting to deal with it… But that’s my job. That’s what I should do.”

“Brian, how often do you fly?”

“What?”

“Pretty damn often right? So you hear the flight attendant instructions pretty often.”

“Raj, what…?”

“Parents with small children should always first put on their own oxygen mask and then their kids’. Do you know why?”

“Raj…”

“It’s because parents are no good to their kids if they don’t get enough oxygen. There are times when you need to put yourself first or else you won’t be able to help your kids.”

“Raj…”

“Go sleep, Brian. Everything will be better tomorrow. I promise.”

“Thank you…”

“Anytime. Good night.”

“Good night.”


End file.
